the inappropriate wife chronicles.

Shameless Plug.

2011-06-28T17:13:00.002-06:00

Hey My 14 followers. [I suck at this, I know.]

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know in case you aren't my friend on facebook...

I am trying to become a consultant for Lia Sophia! In order to do this I need to find people to host parties so I can start it off right.

To Host a Party:

Make a Guest List
Make Treats
Receive jewelry!

It really is that easy! I just need a few more people who are willing to help a sista out! :) There is a new catalog coming out in July!!!! It shouldn't be out until August, but if you host a party you can order out of the new book!

Here is the website:

LiaSophia.com

Here is a link to the new catalog (just click the 2011 Winter Catalog for the new stuff!)

http://qa.liasophia.us/sites/corporate/productcatalog?page=cataloglisting

Anyway, if you or any of your friends are interested in earning free amazing life-time warranty jewelry, contact me!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE :) Its been really hard for me to find helpers since most of my family and friends are out in Cali.

Danielle Baker

dansmell@gmail.com

liasophia.danielle@gmail.com

sometimes you write a blog you never post.

2011-05-04T21:55:00.002-06:00

today i did that. Actually, it was about 5 seconds ago....

i cant post it.

i just write down a whole bunch of my feelings and anger and imperfections and very personal revealing details about how crappy of a person I am or could be but how I am not crappier than certain people that I want to beat within an inch of their life..... but. no.

wont post it. just saved it and will never post it. I might delete it when i get over it... that would be good therapy.

maybe its my job, where I deal with people who were incarcerated for murder, sexual abuse, rape, child abuse.... people who used crack, meth, alcohol and mj while pregnant with one of God's blessed gifts.... I could blame my job, sure.

This post is just to tell you I'm bothered and I wont tell you why.

ne-ner-ne-ner-ne-ner.

dbg

recent obessions

2011-05-04T18:42:00.002-06:00

I have been thinking non-stop about projects and ideas that I need *ahem* want to do ASAP!

refinish cabinets

find a thrift store dining room/scrapbook table

refinish high chair

have garage sale

make a bench from head/foot board

make backdrop with doors

start a photography business... but first finish a portfolio.

AHH!

What are you obsessing about?

I want to get all of these projects done and as I do, I will make posts about how I did it, what I did and what I did wrong...

Keep ya posted!

Its finally nice weather with the bullcrap snow hopefully getting the hint that it is no longer welcome!

I might do some vlog entries as well. But as for now, I will stay home with a super sick and pathetically ill husband who is puking in sinks and buckets... first things first.

MUCH LOVE GOING OUT TO ONE OF MY BFFS BECCA TODAY! Love ya girl!

-the wife with too much to do

Slumber Party THIS FRIDAY!

2011-04-10T11:28:00.001-06:00

Hey Ladies!

I am having a LADIES ONLY party this Friday. The product is from "Slumber Parties"! If you want any details or want to make an outside order, hit me on Facebook!

-Danielle

I keep my wand in my purse.

2011-02-01T07:27:00.003-07:00

My dad made me a wand.

Nope, there are no typos in that sentence.

Yesterday I am leaving for work and the velvet pouch was hanging from a closet doorknob. I grab it and put it into my purse.

"Just in case things get out of hand at work", I say.

Brady laughs uncontrollably and when he finally catches his breath he asks if I expect Dementors to be attacking anytime soon.

He just doesn't get it.

The Farting Runway

2011-01-10T17:07:00.003-07:00

Cubicles are funny things.

First of all, you never expect to find yourself in one. Then you wonder who that monster in the mirror is, clawing to get the one with the "window". You sit day in and day out, plotting and hoping to do something that will set you apart from the rest of the cube people. My square space is placed right in front of a hallway.

A long hallway.

A hallway that many people have to travel to get across the office to their desired destination. The problem is, most people don't realize that there is a person literally 1 foot away from them. What I love about that hallway is that I hear secrets. People stand in that hallway and share with other co-workers deep secrets, problems and stories from their crazy weekend. I.love.it. I live vicariously through those stories. It's awesome, it's bliss.

However, since people don't realize they are surrounded by people, they tend to do things that they normally would do in the privacy of their own home. For instance, take their shoes off and waft their sweaty, athletes foot all around my nostrils. People also like to do the other dirty "do-at-home" activity. No, not sex....yet.

Farting.

People get let those fluff biscuits out as they walk down the hallway!

step. rip step. reeerrr step. pop step. grrrr step. BURHF

Thats what we call the walking farts.

I live 8 hours of each day on The Farting Runway.

help me. it makes my throat hurt!

the inappropriate wife chronicles.

2011-01-09T01:44:00.002-07:00

*****DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY VULGARITY!*****

maybe that should be the new name of my blog? it seems to accurately wrap up who I am. I am trying to figure out how to get the video of my new house from my husbands phone to the computer. its too large to email, to send to my phone, and to upload to facebook. Still working on it. As soon as it works, I will post it here! :) Excitement, excitement. We are painting, getting new carpet and new appliances. Then we will move in! I can't wait til this is ALL OVER and we are just living our semi-normal lives and having our inappropriate conversations in our very own house. Wow, does this make me an adult? Does this mean I have to grow up? Does THAT mean I have to be mature? buuugh. what a dirty word.

....Earlier today.....

We were walking to the car, in the snow (i HATE snow, it annoys me. I feel like its constantly patronizing me. stupid snow.) Anyway, every time I leave the house, snow seems to be the one thing that immediately puts me in a bad mood. dang utah weather. (lets just say this is the "clean" non-vulgar perspective that I have on this snow subject. I would usually have to use a lot of symbols, black outs or bleeps to explain... but I digress.)

so here it goes.

Me: "I'm freezing my balls off!"

Him: ".....I wish you didn't have balls."

Recently, I have been obsessed with the well being of my nonexistent Juevos.

Hasn't everyone had this conversation before?

Most Important Memories

2011-01-06T21:51:00.002-07:00

"Memories and pictures and journals are most important...."

"Hopefully, I maintain my memory."

"You will. If not in this life, in the next."

"Selfish me, I want it in this life."

"I'm sure you wont have problems. Grammie needed that disease. You won't."

"How did you get so smart?"

"Remember, I'm perfect."

"Just like your Dad. See already with the memory thing."

Mommy-Daughter Notes

2011-01-06T21:48:00.002-07:00

"Dear Mom, I love you. You live in a shoe. Write back."

"Dear Danielle, You're swell. Now go sit on a pail. Write back."

"Dear Mom, You're crazy!"

Some things never change.

Pay it Forward, Handmade.

2011-01-06T17:38:00.001-07:00

I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment here.

They must in turn post this and send something they make to the first 5 people who comment on theirs.

The rules are that it must be handmade by you and it must be sent to your 5 people sometime in 2011.

Glad I snatched a tall husband!

2011-01-04T19:28:00.003-07:00

......but I'm still stranded without toilet paper because he is hard of hearing.

5 minutes and counting... this could be a long night.

great.

-oversharer anon.

UPDATE:

He came down...

...eventually...

I told him that I have been yelling for him for over 5 minutes.

He told me he heard.

He had been laughing the entire time...

Really? Is this what I signed up for?

race me, baby.

2010-12-17T18:55:00.002-07:00

on the way home, when we drive two cars, we race.

.......at least thats what is happening in my mind.

I was stopped at a stoplight, the light turns green and all I see is a blue streak whizz by me. DARN YOU. (is what I should have said) Then I continued to drive, determined to beat him in his teeny tiny little baby....ahem. car. As I passed him, I waved (thats what I should have done.) He looked at me, but didnt smile.... "weird", I thought to myself....

I guess I should have waved with all 5 fingers. :)

He loves me.

-dbgwifedriver

Husbands.... They put the "GRRR" in GRRREAT.

2010-12-14T21:23:00.002-07:00

I have been having THE MOST difficult time thinking of something to get my husband for YE OLD Christmastime. I have literally asked him multiple times every day for over a month what he wants. The answer? Always, "Nothing" or something stupid like socks. (BOOOOO!)

[I am no sock or man panties gift giver.]

Today we were watching TV and on the show the man bought a jacket for himself while shopping for his girlfriend's gift. The jacket that he happened to buy for himself was the exact same present that she had picked out months before....for Christmas. What a butt, I say.

Brady looks over at me and says "This is why I dont buy myself anything in December."

THE AUDACITY!

I look over at him... glaring.

"Are you kidding me?!" (I couldn't help myself. This anger had been bubbling up inside of me for days.)

"What?" He innocently reacts.

"You JUST bought yourself something. YESTERDAY!"

This conversation went on for a few minutes.... I couldn't stop saying "Are you kidding me"

My husband must have some version of amnesia because he bought himself a watch YESTERDAY.

That's right, less than 24 hours prior.

We went to the jeweler last week and he saw some watches he liked, reasonably priced.

BINGO! I thought to myself. FINALLY, something I can get him! He will have no idea....

He went yesterday, and picked it up. TO TOP IT ALL OFF he went without me.

(He did use a coupon we had for that jeweler and got it for free. ) My argument continued "...I could have bought that for you with MY coupon, wrapped it and you would have been SO surprised. but nooooooo...." Husbands are very easy to understand, they make women growl and they eat. (At least thats how I feel today)

GRRRR + eat

Just great.

I am so totally screwed.

dbagalicious.

Just a regular conversation between a mother and daughter

2010-12-14T20:16:00.002-07:00

These two are to remain nameless.

Text messaging conversation, a mother randomly texts her daughter...

Mother: Is there a Fredricks of Hollywood in (unnamed town)?

Daughter: I think so....

Mother: :) I want you to try this type of bra I'm wearing. I LOVE it. So comfortable.

Daughter: Haha what one? i'm online now.

Mother: Give me a sec...I got to pop it and check. Model number (blah blah blah)

Daughter: Cant find it.

Mother: Try blah blah blah.

Daughter: Whoa. Hollywood eXXXtreme Cleavage.... with 3 x's!?

Mother: I got a white one. It is like magic hands are holding my girls up, caressing them all day.

Daughter: You are sick.

over&out

db(ahumbu)g See what I did there?

Derek Jeter, not only famous for his hits....

2010-12-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

Have you named your Bajingo?

Mine is Derek.

Derek Jeter.

[No resemblance.]

So my Sister (inlaw) waxed my fluffy legs. (Dont be confused during this story, she was waxing my LEGS....it will be a cold day in hell if she ever waxes Derek.)

It was a sad day for me but a victory for my husband.

I was afraid it would make me cry (i have heard a lot of leg waxing horror stories)

She grabbed a hold of the corner of the muslin.....

My body tensed.

My abs were flexed, my toes were curled.

I was ready for the pain.

She ripped it off, and took my lovely locks with her. I let out all of the breath I was holding.

SUCCESS! It didn't hurt.

Then I relaxed and we started talking about waxing the lady parts. (bad idea.) THAT my friend, is the most painful wax I have had (not to mention I had the worst "lady part waxer" ever!)

If you are planning on waxing down under, be prepared. Take some drugs (the hard stuff. jk, kinda) and go in with the notion that you will come out with a limp.

(The top hurts the most, weirdly enough!)

Anyway, here we are talking about hard wax and hot wax... The lady who did Derek used both. With hard wax, you apply it to the hairy area and leave a lip so that once it has hardened you can use that lip to pull off the wax. When done properly, it is supposed to be less painful than hot wax... or something like that.

My lady part waxer did NOT leave a lip.

POOR DEREK.

........so here she is flicking away trying to create a lip of wax to pull afterwards...

Flick

OUCH...

Flick Flick

CRY..

Flick

AHHK!

[Derek said]

I'm ready for death, I thought to myself. Just kill me. I don't care. Who cares if I'm getting married in a week... if only it was possible to "cut it off"..... guys have it so easy.

[Yah I know, it was a desperate moment... I thought of everything. ]

At one point I was numb and my body just convulsed with the pain.

As me and my sister (inlaw) were talking about mine and Derek's experience, I heard a whimper of laughter coming from my right. I look over and my brother in law was standing there laughing hysterically! How appropriate.

He was tiling my in-laws entry way....I forgot.

shocker.

Then he locked himself in the bathroom to finish the tiling in there (or to get as far away from the "who-ha" talk, I'm sure)

Then she does the back of my ankle. A tiny, weak whine comes from my mouth.

Then you hear more laughter from the bathroom.

I'm glad SOMEONE was having fun...

-db

Second Edition of "you know you have a special mom when..."

2010-12-04T20:44:00.001-07:00

....she calls you to tell you about a "store" she went to with two of her friends.

I bought two bras!

Victoria's Secret, I thought...that's not too bad. We've been there before. I can handle the thought of my mom perusing those shelves.

Was.

Wrong.

Fredrick's...(Things that make you go "buuhhh" *shivers*)

Apparently she was tempted by a cute santa outfit as well.

Then we had a lengthy conversation about banana hammocks, Willey Bags and Love Sacs. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Ah, parents.

-db

Post 50. I gotta Piss.

2010-12-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

*watching Celebrity Rehab*

"Pause it. I've gotta Piss." I said.

Thats where it all began.

My husband laughs mockingly. "I've gotta piss..." he says under his breath.

"What??" I respond innocently.

"I gotta piss" He repeated.

"Is that a bad thing to say? My mom used to tell me not to say things like that but I mean.... I always thought that she said that because, well... shes my mom." I retorted.

Blah blah blah. The conversation continued and it ends up, apparently I'm vulgar?

Who would have thought?

*raises hand*

-db

you know you have a special mom when...

2010-11-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

....she offers to help you set up the pole in your bedroom...

yes, that kind of pole.

love ya, mom!

-db

If you're not my friend on facebook...

2010-11-25T19:47:00.001-07:00

you should be. My statuses are better than my blogs. FOR SURE.

Although I only have 5 followers! haha My most recent posts... I am very proud of them.

My mother-in-law's favorite post:

I'm grateful for friends that become family & for family that become friends. I'm also grateful that my husband ate the loaf of bread that i was going to use for stuffing for tomorrow... because now I can't make it..

My most recent post:

Have you ever wanted to travel a great distance to open a can of the nastiest, grittiest whoop (A) on someone to teach them a lesson they will NEVER forget?! Tonight, I have. But then I realized, I can't do one-tenth of the amount of chastising to a soul that God can. She's all yours Lord, teach away.

Its true. I get mad a lot. If I didnt have values and morals and self control, I'd be in a heap of trouble. But theres nothing like when someone messes with your family. You want to "hit em where it hurts" and "make them pay". Today, I sure did. I'm not perfect. I said some dirty words today, but it helped me to not make rash decisions regarding this particular day that I heard about... The Lord blessed me with a rational mind, but I'm a quickdraw with my emotions. Thank you Lord, I love all my blessings. I'm so glad you're my Father.

i need a brush for these puppies.

2010-11-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

i have been growing out my leg hair ALLL month.

my sister(inlaw) said that it was no-shave november... so I went with it (half-heartedly, i only grew out my leg hair, armpits freak me out when they are hairy...)

She shaved her legs last Sunday.

I have grown connected to my soft lovely locks.

I really want to keep it long if it wasn't so freakin gross. I look like a hippie.. but its just so much work to shave... it takes time, and sometimes you cut yourself and most of the time you run in to razor burn!!! UGH I don't think guys get that. Its TOO MUCH WORK!

Well, my husband will have to deal with it for a while longer. Its literally been a whole month since I shaved. I wish you could see...

i'm clueless

2010-11-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

for WIVES/WOMEN ONLY:

how do you hint to your husband that he needs to do something sweet/romantic for you?

because apparently just blatantly telling him doesn't work (or hasn't worked in the past). And he doesn't read my blog so this is not going to help either.

Any advice is welcome.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

2010-11-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

Here's my video blog stills

(or a reenactment of how AWESOME it was....RIP 1st VLOG attempt)

("... so it all started when he left the toilet seat up...")

(Listening to his side of the story)

(Telling my side of the story)

(that was the best part - me telling my husband - "oh no you didn't!"

BUUUT SUCKTASTICALLY...........................

I just recorded my entire first video blog and it wont play!

Any MAC users out there who can help me out?

I used iMovie.....?

Let me know! This just aint workin!

(Me after I figured out it won't play)

-db

Preparation for "The DB Connection"

2010-11-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

..... with your host, DB.

So I am putting together some topics for some vids. (Thats how we say it in the vlog biz).

Any suggestions or stories that you would like me to tell?

Any topics you would like me to talk about?

NOTHING is off limits. I'm an open book.

If you ask, I will tell.

You may be scratching your eyes out and hoping for your innocence back, but I'll go for it!

Let me know!

Thanks,

accidents happen, right?

2010-11-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

I often come home from shopping and want to show all of my finds to my E.R. (Thats eternal roommate. I'm clever). I get so excited when i find things for good deals.. (and this happens a lot.) I NEVER pay full price for anything, EVER.... because at some point in your life a perfectly good "something" will be sitting at a garage sale or in a thrift store or on ebay or amazon. Its just never worth it. Dont judge me. Buy used, save the difference. (Where my Duggers at!?)

So when I come home to show him what I find, he doesnt ask me how much anything costs because he knows that it probably equalled out to about 5 dollars, 10....maaybe.

The problem lies when I come home with a bag from Ross. Ross is the devil's store. It has shoes, it has baby clothes, it has big people clothes, it has bedding... it has one of a kind decorations, its a random store. And boy do I love Random! They have a department for EVERYTHING there! I usually/always (yes I use those interchangeably) leave with something for one of my nieces. This is why when I come home I show him what I bought in separate categories...

"Things I went to the store for"
"Things that fell into the cart, on accident"

I cannot tell you how many times I start off a sentence with, "So, I accidently bought..."

...these white ceramic birds that have no place in our home. But Dangit (usually not "dangit")! There were 90% off!

...this wooden desk organizer that we don't need, but I saw so much potential in it...

...this pot for the "garden" that we don't have because everything is dead except for that one amazing plant that lived like Harry Potter even though we never fed it anything!

...these sheets that don't technically fit our bed, but I am secretly hoping that we get a bigger bed because I don't like touching while in my nightly coma.

I am so glad he understands (or pretends to?), and just laughs at me. I'm sure one of these days, when I'm a ~~hoarder~~ "collector" with boxes of crap up to the ceilings it won't be funny anymore....

JK, I love getting rid of crap, I go through my stuff ALL the time. I love the cleansing feeling. Not to mention the feeling of avoiding being a hoarder. I do admit its hard in this stupid apartment we are living in.

Have I mentioned it's about the size of a colon?

The kitchen about the size of a infant's armpit.. but we wont go there.

So, how often do YOU go through stuff? Are you a "keeper" or a "dumper"?

I'm a dumper, but a shopper.

Contradicting, I know.

I have a personality disorder when it comes to "things".

I'm a shopping dumper. Mostly I like to dump. I buy, I dump, I buy, I dump. But, dumping is my favorite thing to do.

That got awkward fast.

Man, this has got me thinking - I'm gonna start my list for Santa.

-----------

my husband just walked in.

what are you doing?

blogging.

about?

read my blog and find out.

------

Hopefully he reads this by the time I have my Santa list posted!

VLOG!? oh, bless you.

2010-11-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

So, after my lovely and most desirable blogger bff was brave enough to post a vlog.. i cant stop thinking about it! I think it about it on my drive to work at 7am, i think about it on the way home, i think of topics every single time my brain has a chance.

If I vlogged, vould you vatch?

(_'_) what's crackin' at work... (_'_)

yup those are tushies.

I have had a life full of bullet-dodging names. My mother always wanted to have a daughter with the middle name Suzanne for her best friend... she loved the name Amy..Unfortunately she married an S.

Amy Suzanne Seegmiller

aka

A.S.S.

How fitting, if only she knew how I would turn out. PHEW. dodged that bullet.

pewpew (laser gun noises)

SOOOOO, at work we are constantly sending messages and emails to each other. Some people sign with their initials, other sign their whole name, and the rest add special characters. I decided to go with the simple, lower case initials of my name. I like it because the two letters mirror each other and they are back to back. SO cool, couldn't have planned it better... I actually married him for his last name. joking. Anyway, it looks like I'm being lazy, but it was actually a huge thought out process, I wanted this to be a signature!

whuuuuuuuuut!

*the crowd goes wild*

Creative, I know. but after emailing a certain porcupine of an individual at my work and signing it "db"...

I thought.....

douchebag.

She is going to think that I am a douchebag. Why not? I sign it "db". What else could that be for? Now I sign it dbg. Just to be sure she knows. And to think, I could have signed it a.s.s. What a letdown.

-dbg

those barfing feelings.

2010-10-11T22:32:00.000-06:00

Don't you find it weird that puking is pretty much connected with every strong emotion?

I've been...

so angry i want to barf

so disgusted i want to barf

so disappointed i want to barf

so sad i want to barf

so happy i want to barf

so stressed i want to barf...

seriously. whyyyy did God make it that way?

He has a good sense of humor, thats for sure.

...but I wouldn't expect any less from my Father.

Right now I'm so sad I want to puke.

enlisted.

2010-10-11T21:34:00.000-06:00

I thought about my life today, thought about simply everything.

I thought about when life was easy. I was born in 87, life was easy then...

Life was so-called "easy" up until about 97....Thats it.

The end.

Life was easy for me for about 10 years.

Then all hell broke loose.

I thought for hours about this today...hours.

I wont go into detail, but countless atrocities hit my family like ants attacking, well, whatever ants attack. Every family has their demons, my family is not immune. Its hard, its horrible, its heartbreaking and most of all its embarrassing.

Embarrassing to know that my family isn't the perfect super-hero family I thought it was for those 10 years of life. Life got hard. Really hard. I grew up fast. Really fast.

I wont say I didn't have my moments of 13-16 year old stupid girl hormonal tantrums...but overall I was pretty old for my age. All because of circumstance, choices and chapters in my life that unfurled faster than a book in a wind tunnel.

(People who meet me don't believe that I am an only child.... and here is why..)

This isn't normal, my life. I haven't lived a life of a normal kid. Anyone in my family will attest to that. BUT I assure myself on a daily basis that if, before this life, I was given the choice to take a boring, normal, demonless, trouble-free life, I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't feel that my potential was fulfilled.

Always, the story of my life has been....

"We are all enlisted til the conflict is o'er."

I enlisted. But even though all that is well and good sometimes you still gotta think, "crap."

-db

foosball.

2010-09-04T20:24:00.000-06:00

i love how me and my husband are always on the same page...

*watching BYU vs WA game*

him: "Now all we have to do is control......."

i interrupt.

me: ".....ALT, and DELETE THESE MOFOs!!!"

I was super excited and waited for a well-deserved high five for my cleverness.

...

lets just say he left me hangin'.

at least one of us thinks I'm cool.

My name is Rage, Road Rage.

2010-09-02T19:29:00.000-06:00

well, at least my middle name isn't Rash.... yet?

My name is Danielle, and I'm a rage-a-holic.

Let me BEGIN by saying that I already KNOW that I need to learn how to be patient...

but seriously people (not you, my precious blog people, but the dangerous blind drivers out there).......Don't drive with your head up your you know what!!!

(and you know what I mean... its your you-know-where.)

I have serious road rage, I even replaced my horn in my car because....well lets be serious, I have a toyota and we all know they are built with sissy "beep beep" horns. I mean.. really Japan!? I can YELL louder than that!

Lets be serious. I got a truck horn, a super loud truck horn. I even tried a few out before making the final selection. I actually have two octaves of horn.... but I'm not here to give you a horn education.

I wanted people to take me seriously when I hold it for the 3 minutes that I feel necessary to get my point across. I know I have issues, serious need-counseling issues.

Merging:

We all know how to do it... or do we? Let me explain. When two lanes merge, you go one after one after one...and so on and so forth. Well THIS BEEZY decides that she wants to go 2 and then one. I go because well, its MY TURN. I see her and notice she isn't stopping.

This is where I realize that I am stubborn. We play chicken with each other for a second, and since I'm smarter, I stopped. She looks at me and starts doing the whole "angry-mouthing" thing. "There are two lanes" she mouths and points. And I mouth back "YES I KNOW, thats why we MERGE YOU....." Well, this is a family blog and lets just not go there.

But the BEST part of this story is that it goes on for about 2 minutes!

LITERALLY THE LONGEST argument while driving I have ever had!!

There came a point where I was arguing just because I could. It made me feel better. I know I'm a terrible person, don't act like you don't think the same things I do.

Anyway, I did this because, well...

you know how you admit things to people so that they can put you in your place?

....

This isnt for that! LOL.

Just thought I'd share!

Love ya peeps!

blog failure

2010-08-29T14:43:00.000-06:00

Wow, I suck at blogging. I knew this was a horrible idea.

I'm a GREAT follower though! I love reading all your blogs! Sorry I don't give back to you the inspiration and entertainment you give to me.

Updates:

I have a job! I am a legal assistant. Whowouldathought!? Anyway, its a stressful job sometimes because I deal with SSA Disability claims, and peoples lives are on the line. LITERALLY. But I love it. I read medical records and weed out the crappy claims from the slam dunks.

15 lbs down. =) Starting P90X again tomorrow with Brady. I LOVE IT. I love how I feel and how I look and how I act when I am eating well and tx my body well. (tx=treating... i cant believe I just used that, I read medical records for a living... and thats Drs shorthand. really, danielle?)

We just had our one year anniversary!

Me: "Do you love me more or less than you did when we got married?"

Him: "More, duh. What kind of stupid question is that?"

Me: "How is that possible?"

Him: "Love is like a garden....well.... not our garden."

Thank goodness its not our garden! Apparently you can't have a beautiful lush garden with no water. weird.

scream

2010-04-06T21:31:00.000-06:00

skinny girls need not flaunt their cart full of chocolate mousse cake, mint brownies, brownie bites, chocolate chip cookies, whipped cream & calories in my face while I'm googling how many calories are in tilapia.

HATE

YOU

& if I hear an "I'm so fat" from someone who is not considered obese or overweight by the BMI scale.. or their doctors I will throw them across a field with my newly formed muscles.

aghhh!

I want pound cake. I know, its called "pound" cake for a reason.

I'll just keep dousing my food with hot sauce, mustard and zero calorie imitation butter flakes & have a hot body that I HAD TO WORK FOR! RIGHT?

DZBZ

you've got personality

2010-03-28T03:01:00.000-06:00

so. there is one thing i don't like about myself.

its my weight.

i have been watching a lot of reality tv.

people are TORN up about their weight.

& have so many underlying problems & daddy issues.

i am so blessed i dont have those on TOP of being overweight.

i'm just chubbity.

i can lose weight.

BUT...

here are some things that if you don't have, you just won't have:

personality

pizazz

spunk

groove

sparkle

humor

rhythm

funk

spirit

I have the latter, now to work on the weight - then I'll be perfect!

....right?

LOL

it also helps my self-esteem knowing that in another culture being pasty white and chubbity is HOT & SEXY!

Hewlzyah!

-DZBZ

baby hats giveaway!!

2010-03-16T14:14:00.000-06:00

Let me start this post by saying - no, I'm not pregnant! Geeze. It's like when you're dating someone its always "are you engaged? are you engaged? when are you getting engaged!?" Now its all "are you pregnant? are you pregnant? when are you getting pregnant?!" holy. crap. leave. me. the. BALSKD. alone. THX.

With that said.. I collect baby clothes/things. Ever since i was like 12 I have... so its only weird now.. not so much then. haha

A baby giveaway from Life in the Pitts!!

http://lanieree.blogspot.com/2009/03/baby-hats-and-giveaway

ADORABLE hats from Ballet Shoes and Yarn Hooks and Books!! CH-CH-CH-CHECK EM OUT and enter her giveaway! It's free people! Don't be lazy. :)

-DZ

bathroom lovin

2010-03-15T04:08:00.000-06:00

So I have been going STIR crazy and hating the whole "style" of this place i live... I've decided that it's up to me what it looks like, so I've decided to get Jiggy wid it. I made curtains, had some great thrift finds that i re-purposed, and made a new bow holder because mine, sadly, had fallen to pieces.

The Bow Holder:

I had some colored bamboo sticks lying around that were being nothing but a headache for me. I had nowhere to put them & no idea what to do with them.. I just kept moving them from one home to another hoping that someday I would magically find the perfect spot. Anyway, I had the BRILLIANT idea to make a bow holder from two of the sticks. It wasn't easy, but it was fun :) I decided to separate the pinks from the reds and give them a little love. =) My bathroom colors are dark yellow, red, black and white..

Two Bamboo Sticks
Ribbon
Glue Gun
Flower Clips
A Blind eye to the fuzz on my carpet

Cut a bunch of ribbon, decide how tall you want the holder

Glue the ribbon onto the bamboo flat

tie a knot at the end. make sure when you are gluing them on you glue them the opposite direction of how you want them facing. after you tie the ribbon, the direction changes.

Finished product

Here are the rest of my bathroom improvements so far:

Homemade curtains, and my "Loo" sign that I found at the DI for a buck! I just changed out the ribbon to match my bathroom - the one it had was DINGY! (i love those Cheer commercials)

The next project I'm undertaking is a yellow shelf right over the top of the bow holder. DEEP BREATH! lets see how that one goes.. =/

Found that plate at a garage sale for $.25 and I tied the other two bamboo sticks with extra ribbon. Paired it with my scented oil candle...a must have in a bathroom. haha

If you have any ideas for me, let me know. This bathroom is hard because it is extremely tiny and is a laundry room/bathroom. Did I mention its TINY?

-DZ

you go boy.

2010-03-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

Today one of my friends was detained by campus police because he was open-carrying his gun with a concealed carry permit. No laws were broken. Please read and watch the links below. Our rights are slowing being torn away from us.

Take note: when dealing with law enforcement, recording is a great idea. Caught these campus cops trying to enforce their opinion and the "what ifs" not the what IS. Should we shut up, obey and move on with our life or stand up for our rights?

"Thanks Danielle ;-) (I've never tried to "bait" cops or anything of the sort, it is just a lot more comfortable to open carry, quietly.) I've been open carrying there for three semesters with no problems until Friday...

Did you see page 4 where I posted my letter to the chief of police? After I got his blatant disregard for Utah state law as a response, I finally told Fox 13 I'd do an interview. " - Nick Moyes

The News Portion:

http://www.fox13now.com/news/kstu-utah-student-confronted-carrying-gun-campus,0,3562516.story

the whole story:

http://www.utahconcealedcarry.com/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=7775&st=0&sk=t&sd=a

the live discussion:

PART 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjaQJs8eoMk

PART 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzyYu9dhIY0&feature=related

strappin'

2010-03-07T03:19:00.000-07:00

http://sheyb.bigcartel.com/

She makes amazing camera strap covers! I love these, and never thought about spicing up my camera before, but now its all i can think about!

i want:

with padding and the lens cap pocket.

check her out!!! THESE ARE BOMB DIG.

-DZBZ

hello up there!

2010-02-25T23:28:00.001-07:00

OK Heavenly Father - what do you have in store for me?

I'll keep doing my best, you keep doing the rest?

-Your Daughter

no junk in this trunk

2010-02-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

forreal... i have no junk in my trunk.

*drum roll*

I feel the urge to say BOW CHICKA WOW WOW..but it doesn't seem fitting. Maybe I'll go with SHAZAM! or POW! no no...

TA DA!

Anyway thought I would finally post a craft I have been working on for a long long time. These trunks were initially for Christmas for my two favorite nieces in the whole world. :) Obviously, I still have them and they have no idea they exist...yet! One has a birthday coming up so thats my plan for her and the other one won't know any different so I'll just give her trunk to her whenever.

So they look like borin ol trunks right? Just wait...

Steps I took to make these beauties:

Gather trunks from Joann's, lots of paint from Joann's, Mod Podge Gloss-Lustre, Sponge Brushes, Sandpaper, & paper cutter.

Sand trunk to death.
Paint...for hours. many coats.
Cry a little, curse a little, pretend to give up, leave them untouched for a few days then come right back to them with a renewed sense of mastery! This step not required or recommended. :o)
These things soaked up paint like...well, like a sponge! It was unbelievable. I think I bought about 5-7 little containers of paint from Joann's PER COLOR. The purple is Joann's brand "Violet", the brown is "Spice Brown", the blue is "Baby Blue" and the pink has been trashed so i have no idea what it was called. Luckily the paint was very affordable so it didn't break the bank.
WORST PART OF THE PROJECT: I of course enlisted my hubby for this - he used a wet paper towel and cleaned off all of the hardware, brackets and metal buttons.
I used my Cricut Expression & the cartridge is "Storybook" to cut out the names in the script font.
I used my trusty Mod Podge glossy to adhere the fancy letters.
I was having huge issues with the brown and pink - the brown kept getting all over the pink. I decided enough was enough and I found some cute paper to cut down to size and Mod Podge around the lip of the trunk. 1/2 an inch wide, its like a mm too wide but i sanded the edges down and it worked like a charm! Mod Podge the top & the bottom. I would suggest Podgin the paper and then putting it on the trunk. I didn't think the blue & purple one was missing anything so I left it as is.
I sealed the whole trunk with Mod Podge and it was DONE!

Not gonna lie - I pulled out my hair a little and had a few headaches but if I did it again I wouldn't have such a hard time. I know I will need a lot of paint and to wipe the hardware as SOON as the paint dries.

Anyway it was WORTH IT & I LOVE THEM! Now comes the hard part of giving them away.

-D

bright lights

2010-02-19T23:51:00.000-07:00

I sincerely feel that because of my revelation yesterday... and the week before... and the week before... and the month before that - basically the one revelation about life that i have over and over again...because of that I feel like today was God's answer to my prayer.

Jobs are hard to come by these days... let me rephrase - jobs are nearly impossible to come by these days - ANY job ANY day. It had begun wearing on my soul. I wasn't sure if this depression was being so far away from my parents, my birth control or what. It was like one of those terrible dreams where you are trying to run or fly and your feet don't leave the ground. I want to fly & not only in my dreams. I want to succeed here.

Yesterday I decided to work really hard, be proactive and go outside the four walls of my living room to find a job. I went out, I searched, I applied, I asked... I did the footwork. I believe that Heavenly Father saw my hard work and made up for my shortcomings. I got a call today for a job interview - at a nursing and rehabilitation center.. it is EXACTLY what I want to do & where I want to be. I am SO excited.

There are a lot of people out there - if they were in my shoes... 6 months of putting in 6-10 applications/resumes per day with only two call backs they might have given up hope, lost perspective, perseverance, or eternal perspective. It was hard - really hard. REALLY hard... I prayed and prayed for a job and half-heartedly looked for one. The minute I decided to make my prayers come true and do as much work as I could on my own, Heavenly Father recognized it and did His part to answer my prayer as well. This is how it works.. sometimes we forget and today was a great reminder. I love my Heavenly Father and I know that He is the one who grants me His grace to make up for the difference, for my failings, & for my shortcomings. He is my rock & Redeemer.

On another note -

thought I'd bring back my Facebook status updates. Here are the top rated ones:

is there such a thing as restless butt syndrome? RBS? i have that.

thinking positively has a HUGE impact on your life... God recognizes your struggle & your hard work & gives you blessing when you least expect them!! ♥ ♥

BLAH BLAH BLAH if you have a problem with games played on facebook: 1) get a grip & calm down 2) block & hide the application... its like it doesn't exist! THAT WAY you aren't sucking the fun out of it for others. FUN SUCKERS!

What's the worst thing that could happen? I'll tell YOU! Having a stomach ache before you go to your Derek appt. this could be very, very awkward.

Some of these you have to decode because of the secret words I use. haha Anyway, thats my week in a nutshell. Ups, Downs & Plateaus. Today I'm going UP! I can see the light at the end of the dark crappy tunnel and it is bright!

Peace Out.

-D

my true colors.

2010-02-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Well since I really have nothing else to say I thought I would share how I worked out a difficult day in my life. It doesn't happen often, but when it does happen, I like to punch bad days right in the groin.. (I say PUNCH in the GROIN because I imagine bad days - if they were people - would of course be taller than me :] )I have been having those days where I feel downright worthless, like a leech almost. Like I take & take from life and can't muster up enough strength to give back more than I receive.

Anyway, if anyone knows me - they know this is truly out of character for me & in light of my new mind-set - "thinking glass half-full" I had to work out my attributes on a piece of scratch paper tonight. You know how people make pro & con lists to make decisions? I recalled something my Dad said (probably the only sentence in any talk my dad has EVER given at church that I remembered). He said, "If you are at a point in your life where you forget your blessings or are having a hard time, make a list. List everything you can think of that you have been blessed with and then you will realize how blessed you really are." I'm a list person, I'm a check-list person, & I'm a goal setter so this was right up my alley.

So, come! Follow me back from this sidetrack to the point. I made two lists: "Negative attributes that sneak into my head" & "What I actually AM and what I want to be".

What I felt described me:

Jealous, Envious, Failure, Leech, Failure (yes i realize i posted this twice), Stupid, No Life, Depressed, Angry, Sad, Afraid, Weak...

After I wrote that down I took a step back and gave that list the stank eye (you know the one). That is NOT who I am... that is NOT the truth.

What I am & hope to be:

Happy, Grateful, Blessed, Successful, Intelligent, Educated, Productive, Helpful, Humble, Fearless, Strong, Faithful, Lovable, Caring, Hopeful, Vivacious, Full of Life, Empathetic, Thoughtful, Brave, Kind, Eternal Perspective, Charitable, Loving, Patient, Steadfast... and the list will always go on.

Pull out your ruler and measure the distance of these two lists... The second is much longer than the first which means...that negative list has just received a roundhouse kick to the throat! On a lighter, less violent note - The glass IS half-full and it always will be. I put my faith in my Heavenly Father. He is the ONLY reason that I am & try to be brave & fearless.

"If we could perceive only a small part of the person God intends us to be, we would lose our fear and never doubt again.”

THAT ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

....is who I want to be. That is who I WILL be... with hard work, faith and dedication.

Hallelujah Hollaback.

[D]

endure it well

2010-02-06T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today I was having a hard time feeling sorry for myself and being jealous of other people. I thought the best way to work this out was to write about it. So, here I am putting it "all out there" so to speak and hoping that I can raise myself up from this rut.

Daily, I remind myself to be happy for other's blessings and to be grateful for mine. It's just one of those days I guess. It's hard working so hard for something and not being able to get it while you sit by and watch others attain is with ease. That's all. Enough of the depressing, now onto my NEW AND IMPROVED thought processes.

My new year's resolution (which has been working quite well by the way) is always thinking glass half full! While some people hope for other's failure to make themselves feel better, I focus solely on myself and what I have control over.

I have gained much through trial. I keep saying to myself how blessed I am to be going through trials so I am able to learn valuable lessons that cannot be learned through ANY other means. I have learned much about money management, empathy and perseverance. I have learned the things in life that are TRUELY important: family, honesty, & kindness. Some people spend their lives working on rearranging their priorities in life and never can figure out what is actually most important. I am lucky to know this at a mere 22.

Music gets me through anything. It gets me through doing dishes, which says A LOT. Below are some lyrics that ring true to me today:

"The struggles I'm facing, the changes I'm taking, sometimes they knock me down but, no I'm not breaking... "

"There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move.."

"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned."

"That's all right, I'm ok.
It ain't nothin' but another day. "

"There are times in life when you gotta crawl,
Lose your grip, trip an' fall
When you can't lean on no-one else:
That's when you find yourself
I've been around an' I've noticed that,
Walkin's easier when the road is flat
Them danged ol' heels'll get you every time
Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

This world ain't fair,
It can knock you on your butt
You can just lie there,
Or you can get back up
You gotta get back up"

Anyway, I hope you got the gist of this post to be hopeful and not sad. I am not sad, I am not mad, I am not jealous; today at least. But when those feelings start creeping back inside my head I will not let them reach my heart. I will not forget everything I have learned through the hard times that have presented themselves in my life because I know that trials WILL come. They always have, I am not immune from them. So its not "if" the hardships come, it's WHEN. My "when" is now & I know it's all about HOW I am going to deal with it. & I choose to deal with it positively. I will not be the self-loathing, sad sack who craves sympathy. I don't want sympathy, I want strength.

“There are cycles of good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness, and times of plenty as well as scarcity. When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: 'The best is yet to be' "

“Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome.”

And my MOST favorite quote of ALL time. It always seems applicable.

"Joy is not a stranger to pain. We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hallowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things."

I hope someone, somewhere, can read this and find the strength that I have found. Life is always going to be hard...but we already knew that. Before this life we excitedly shot our hands up in the air and volunteered for this. We hoped to experience this life. We knew what would happen, how hard it would be and knew that if we put our faith in Heavenly Father we could return to be with Him and our families. I for one, am planning on returning with honor.

Love D

the fabric allergy..

2010-02-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

To understand how amazing this bug that bit me is.. you have to know a little back story.

*DEEP BREATH*

When i was a baby my mom would tote me around to fabric stores dreaming of the day when she could teach me how to sew. Her mother taught her how to sew and had wonderful bonding time while they completed projects together. You can say it "awwwwwww". Ok, now get ready to wipe those tears.

As the toddler years rolled around I started throwing a tantrum the VERY SECOND we walked through those glass House of Fabrics doors. Needless to say, me and my dad spent quality time in the car while my mom shopped. As I got older I would feign illness to get the HECK out of that store as soon as possible. Then eventually I would just shrug off questions my mom would ask about how fabrics looked together or blah blah blah. She made all of my prom and dance dresses (minus one but that doesn't sound as good as "all").

People would ask me all the time if I was going to be like my mom and sew all the time and be great and fabulous and make blankets for the sick and costumes for the primary.. buuuuuh. My answer was always the same, "That gene must have skipped me." My mom would tell people that I had an "allergy to fabric". Sounds about right. I would just nod and agree. At least she understood! Anyway, she quilts, she hems, she creates and I would get bored and annoyed at all the racket of the sewing machine chugging away while I was trying to watch Real World.

.....flash to the year I turned 21. Would you believe that I voluntarily entered a fabric store? Me either. Not only that, but I was ACTUALLY looking for fabric.. wow. I'm healed? apparently so.

Then I called my dad. He owns a vacuum & sewing machine store and I asked him the hardest and most embarrassing question I had ever him.

"Dad? I'm not sick I promise... you won't believe what I'm about to ask you... do you think... maybe... you might be able to.... find me a sewing machine?" silence....... "Please??" I choked as the words exited my lips. I cringed as I waited for the answer. I was half-suspecting him to schedule me a psych appointment or at the very least, faint. "Yeah sure! What kind do you want?" It was that easy? Really? My mom on the other hand made sure that he HOOKED ME UP with all the sewing goodies my weak little sewing heart could handle.

The rest of that year my sewing machine got little use, but it WAS used (miraculously). I made a corset for my pirate costume... grommets and all. I'm sure when my dad handed me the sewing machine he thought this was a "phase" I was going through since I was the "phase" type of child. Then I turned 22, helped my sister-in-law sew some quilts for her nieces and nephews, made another costume, crocheted around some baby blankets...(and probably sewed a few other things that got thrown to the side because I was disgusted with myself...)

FF to today. (FF=fast forward... its on your remote control)

This week my mom came. What did we do? Sew. I'm surprised her heart didn't fail. I made table runners, curtains, table squares and picked out ALL the fabric. We went to the fabric store 3 times in 3 days. Again, I thought she would have been hospitalized by now. Apparently I have caught the "bug". The allergy is lifted and I'M HEALED! HALLELUJAH! Now I have to take back all the naughty things I said about sewing. BUH.

Anyway, I thought this post would say, "I sewed some crap, I'll post pics later." Guess I had a little bit more to say.

Love, D

Danielle is...

2010-02-03T01:09:00.000-07:00

If blogging was half as easy as changing my status on facebook I would do it multiple times a day.

Today's status updates:

...just looked myself up on urban dic. & i like what i see! apparently Danielle's everywhere are: loved, short, amazing, intense, crazy, a capitol B-word, funny and great at rapping. what a good use of my time. cha right. goodnight! :)

...it's basically impossible to watch my sister's keeper and NOT cry. especially when you have been through/seen loved ones suffer from that disease. upside: it gave me one more glass half full thought about death: those who leave us will wait for us.

...T.G.F.M. -> Thank Goodness For Mamas. ♥

...ok ok i give up. im not changing my pic but what celeb do i look like?? i have abso-friggin-lutely NO CLUE.

They said i look like Punky Brewster & Snow White. What do you say?

Danielle

ornament

2009-12-15T03:57:00.000-07:00

CUTEST FELT ORNAMENT!!

its a wreath!

To see her full tutorial and other ideas check out her site:

http://belladia.typepad.com/bella_dia/2007/12/index.html

finials

2009-12-15T03:51:00.001-07:00

I have been watching a lot of TLC & following many crafty blogs. FURTHERMORE- I really want to start collecting these finials to create a beautiful Christmas Mantle.

Now I guess I should collecting a mantle, a fireplace.... well I guess finials should be the last thing on my mind but aren't they pretty?

stockin's

2009-12-15T03:42:00.000-07:00

I have been DYING... LITERALLY (hehe refer to my earlier post about things that bug me..) to try my hand at making these amazing stockings for christmas.

http://www.dana-made-it.com/2009/12/sweater-stockings.html

AWESOME! I'm gonna make a quick trip to the D.I. pick up a cheap old sweater and chop it up and make it into something wonderful! I REALLY wish I would have seen this blog before I bought my cute-but-not-as-amazing-as-handmade stockings for $2.50 ea. @ target. OH WELL. At least I have enough time til next christmas to perfect them! Take your time making your way through her blog... she has a LOT of great projects! =) She definitely has a blog worth following!!

frantic

2009-12-15T03:33:00.000-07:00

Somehow through my click-click-clicking i made my way to this awesome site.

http://www.franticart.com/Frantic_Art/switch_covers.html

My favorite is the "J" double rocker... but i also REALLY like the G Oval Rocker! Oh the possibilities. If I get some I would definitely have to UP my standards of living. I think they are way to classy for my house. I really like the bohemian feel of them. AWESOME.

They also make dishes and a GORGEOUS Bird Feeder! Check them out!!

-Danielle

balls

2009-12-14T05:13:00.000-07:00

i've decided i want to buy a million Styrofoam balls to make a million ornaments for my christmas tree! But they're more expensive than i anticipated. sad sad =( i guess i'll wait til theyre on sale or sumfin. ho hum.

Leelou Swag

2009-12-09T06:45:00.001-07:00

LOVE THIS BLOG. I check it daily & SO SHOULD YOU. They are doing giveaways with whippy cake (ANOTHER awesome blog). Check it out and try your chances at winning!!

p.s. Christmas tree officially up. I paid $1.50 for my tree stand at D.I.! I'm amazing, I know. oh stop!

just a quick note.

2009-12-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

to all those skinny/fit girls who dont have to do a DANG thang to stay that way.

i hate you.

I officially want the "Insanity" workout DVDs. they are definitely my cup o tea.

nipple, say what?

2009-11-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

{While I was on Facebook, I saw a really cute baby with dimples...}

Danielle: "Babe, do you have dimples?"

Brady: "No."

*after a few seconds of silence*

Danielle: "Do you think there's a chance our kids will have nipples?"

Oh Danielle says the darndest things...Here's hopin' our kids have nipples...and dimples. haha

my explanation..

2009-11-06T19:34:00.001-07:00

my whole life i have had to defend myself and why i don't do certain things. my argument has always been, "i learn from others mistakes" I would get responses that people wanted to try things for themselves. why? why run into the wall, or fall off the cliff if you have seen the consequences. anyway, the answer finally came in the form of a status on facebook.

"You should profit from the mistakes of others ~ You don't live long enough to make them all yourself."

YES! finally, facebook is good for something.

what reality tv has taught me.

2009-11-06T01:48:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about it the other day - I read all these comments people leave, and say on my much-loved reality tv shows and wonder WHAT school these people have attended. What makes you say the things you do? Who do you think you are? Anyway... here's a guide on how to annoy people. Say all of these things, & for the brave of heart, try them all in one conversation!

"congratulations! you're gonna love married life" -1) from a person married 32 seconds before you. you have as much experience as me. get over yourself. 2) you are not > than me. =) 3) DUH thats why I did it!

"no offense, but..." - from anyone. seriously!? This is my NUMBER ONE most hated. It has always bugged me and will always bug me. "No offense but.. I am about to say something offensive right....NOW!"

I found this from another blog: funny and true! When you use this statement you are either:

1. Saying something derogatory and refusing to take the blame;

2. Trying to help by saying something derogatory;

3. A self-righteous fool.

"I have completely changed. I did a complete 360." - "Ya! I can tell! You're still an idiot."

& some extra ones just for "funsies"! (haha I'm sure that word is on someone else's list!)

"I'm Just Sayin'" - ..srsly? great argument. you win!

"whatever" - "Ok you angst-ridden teen, you! Slam your face into my fist."

"you know, it is what it is!" - oh but IS IT!?

"woman" - hey! Don't you call me that!! haha I know I am one, but it just bugs the crap out of me to hear, "hey woman! Come here!" chea right. get a life sucka.

Submissions:

I totally agree with Angela on this - When people stop in front of you as you are IN MOTION! esp. annoying at theme parks and on the street. sttuuuupid.

"thats ironic" - sub. by helena. people OBVIOUSLY don't know what irony is.

"literally" - "i literally DIED last night", no you didn't, but you're LITERALLY a pro at exaggeration. I'm pretty sure this word has been taken OUT of the dictionary because it LITERALLY has no meaning anymore.

I know, I'm a delightful human being =) Maybe its the "crazy pills" I have been taking.

all hallows eve.

2009-11-03T04:12:00.001-07:00

haha I just like saying that.... "all hallows eve" (in a dark evil witchy voice) muahahaha!

A few days before we carved pumpy-kins.

My adorable niece. =)

Cheryl absolutely LOVED carving pumpkins as you can see...especially the part where you gut them! (and Aris in the background being sneaky - probably hiding all of her rice crispies. haha)

For Halloween night we went over to Brady's family's house to hang out =) Brady looked extra smashing in his costume!

HAHAHHAHAH. i couldn't stop laughing

...that RIDICULOUS mustache.

Cheryl & Colby

Ashlee & Clint(oneus)

(yes, that's his real name. Don't make fun of him!)

Aris & Grandma

Last but absolutely NOT least - My favorite part of halloween:

BESOS!

holy guac. i look horrible...

....i mean it took me HOURS to look this nerdy!

Garden Gnomes LOVE Nerdy Uncles =)

LoVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

bathroom organization.

2009-11-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

When you have a LOT of bathroom stuff and very little space, you have to get creative and that is exactly what i have been doing. I have a drawer dedicated to headbands and hair stuff and a box dedicated to hair clips but why hide all my goodies when i can display them on my empty walls?? PLUS it will give me an extra drawer and box to put my drugs in! you know, nyquil, pepto, ibuprofen, the essentials. :) haha So I have made a lot of flower clips and bows and have collected lots of headbands...tonight i decided enough was enough!! I'm making a clip organizer! Here's what came of it.

First, this is the headband organizer. A lot of organizers were ones that took up counter space, and I just plain don't have that kind of space! So, i took the basic idea of a cylinder and hung it up on the wall. Since I didn't have money to spend, I looked around the house for what I had.. I grabbed a partially used paper towel roll (which magically was the perfect size for headbands) covered it in some black corduroy fabric I had from last years halloween costume with hot glue. Then I just used some green ribbon, tied it around the roll and hung it up. This isn't my favorite project but hey, it got the job done. I'll probably look at it for a couple days then make some adjustments to the design.

My bow holder was SUUUPER easy to do. I had a really hard piece of 12 X 12 cardboard that was really giving me a headache b/c I kept trying to throw it away but it kept reappearing! Good thing it never left! I used some of my scrapbook paper and ribbon I had lying around and covered the cardboard piece with it. I used 4 pieces of ribbon across it thinking that would be enough, but it wasn't so I just added a couple small pieces on the botton for the extra ones I had. I folded the ribbon in half so the bows wouldn't slide off. I love it! Its like art for my wall!

Let me know if i was a little bit too tired to be creative or if I should do more crafty things late at night! haha I have decided to re-do my lamp. The paper I chose was a little too... "exotic" for my taste. But that's the beauty of modge podge. you can always cover it again! haha Anyway, hang tight for pics of that future project.

the speed limit..

2009-10-31T14:49:00.000-06:00

last night was probably the ONLY time I was truly grateful that I went the speed limit. I was driving home from Payson at about 1:30 in the morning. During that drive the speed limit changes about 5 times from 75 to 65 to 55 to 65 to 55... its stupid. Anyway, ever since I got my ticket a while back I have been determined to just go the speed limit... making me the SLOWEST PERSON ON THE ROAD!! Everyone is always whizzing past me and when i say whizzing i mean... SMOKING ME! I even wanted to call the police and have them put a patrol officer in the contstruction zone... but i didnt. Last night something subtly told me that i should go the exact speed limit, no 5 over rule that we all live by. So I did and JUST as i did i look off to my right and there is a patrol officer in his dark car off the side of the road blanketed in darkness. haha after that i was so happy! I was dancing and singing in my car... and dont ask me why! BUT what made me grateful was that the person that was behind me, gaining on me quickly throughout my drive got pulled over!!!!!!!! I know I shouldnt be happy from someone else's misfortune.. Let's just say I'm happy for the lesson they got to learn! =)

Anyway, go the speed limit. Don't text and drive, drink or drive, talk and drive, etc. haha JUST DRIVE.. as boring as it might be sometimes.

receipts...

2009-10-26T02:08:00.000-06:00

are getting ridiculous these days. We are right in the middle of a "Go Green" trend and receipts are getting longer and longer. Seriously?! Why isn't their a group out there advocating shorter receipts! I am not really sure why this bugs me so much but when I buy one thing and get a foot long receipt thats what I call insane. I think things are getting out of hand... Roberts & Albertson's ESPECIALLY need to calm DOWN on their paper usage.

We bought ONE thing and here is the receipt:

FREAKING RIDICULOUS! Who cares about stupid surveys!? No one does them anyway! (even if it does say you have a chance of winning $1000!) and there's a HUGE waste of space on the paper that says "PAID". WHY!? Not to mention there is about a good 4 inches of receipt that is BLANK! Super stupid. Has anyone heard of using both sides of the paper?! and who needs to return their "season all" anyway? The end. I feel much better now. =)

modge podge rocks

2009-10-14T00:32:00.000-06:00

sooo true! modge podge is amazing! it makes eye sores amazing! it reinvents the ugly. =) i found this great blog - modgepodgerocks.blogspot.com and i love it. so much so that i have asked my dear husband for a palm sander for my birthday, for christmas... i just want one!!! i have many things i want to spice up with fabric and paper. its amazing what a little love & modge podge can do! i re-vamped my lamp, pictures to come.

what matters most

2009-10-13T03:24:00.001-06:00

never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

-president monson.

to the people that i do not tell enough - i love you, i pray for you and i think about you always.

My first update :)

2009-10-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

I don't like to "follow the crowd" when it comes to things like blogging & twitter but here I go. Hopefully I can keep up a blog!

Life hasn't changed much since we've gotten married other than I have to share a bed & apartment (but not blankets!). I recently found out the degree to which I hate doing dishes and would rather clean the toilet then do them. I really hate not having a dishwasher :( You have to wash the same dish a million times... But its all part of being newlyweds.. at least thats what I keep telling myself!

I'm glad we were able to find a place to live and even if its not perfect ( & far from it) I'm glad I have it because it humbles me and makes me want to work even harder to be able to buy a house. But first things first - i need a job! I have been looking for a job for a month now (seems like an eternity) but haven't gotten much of anything but a phone interview for a job with crappy hours & pay... I know.. why did I even apply, right? I've applied at a bank, at a scrapbook company and at Costco. I was going to apply at NuSkin today but the position was no longer available :( sad because I think I would have really enjoyed that job.

I went to my ward for the first time yesterday and I think I'll really enjoy it there. I'm being optimistic because I really haven't met one person yet but we will see how it goes. It was kind of disheartening at first (because I let myself be disheartened) when I walked into RS searching for a seat. Seeing tons of empty seats but every single one of them could have been saved for someone. I kept looking for a friendly smile or finger point but nothing. After a few minutes I finally had to just ask if a seat was available. This turned out to be a good seat choice because the lady next to me had a cute little boy (a total cheese) who was always grinning and playing with me. The mom was fun too. Hopefully we will get to know each other.. but this reminds me, I didn't get her name or ANYTHING. I'm pretty sure I only made eye contact with her a few times so who knows if I'll remember what she looks like. haha darn.

Anyway, Brady is still working nights at the hostpital and its really hard but getting easier.. if possible. I think last night was the only night where I didn't feel extremely lonely or scared. I usually sleep with the light & TV on until I fall asleep, but last night I turned off the lights (BIG STEP) and turned the TV on sleep timer. So at least for me its getting easier. =)

and the biggest news of all.... dum dum DUM! I'm finally caught up on Grey's Anatomy. =) YAY for me. haha

So if anyone knows of a decent paying job in the provo area, PLEASE let me know.

the inappropriate wife chronicles.

Shameless Plug.

sometimes you write a blog you never post.

recent obessions

Slumber Party THIS FRIDAY!

I keep my wand in my purse.

The Farting Runway

the inappropriate wife chronicles.

Most Important Memories

Mommy-Daughter Notes

Pay it Forward, Handmade.

Glad I snatched a tall husband!

race me, baby.

Husbands.... They put the "GRRR" in GRRREAT.

Just a regular conversation between a mother and daughter

Derek Jeter, not only famous for his hits....

Second Edition of "you know you have a special mom when..."

Post 50. I gotta Piss.

you know you have a special mom when...

If you're not my friend on facebook...

I'm grateful for friends that become family & for family that become friends. I'm also grateful that my husband ate the loaf of bread that i was going to use for stuffing for tomorrow... because now I can't make it..

i need a brush for these puppies.

i'm clueless

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Preparation for "The DB Connection"

accidents happen, right?

VLOG!? oh, bless you.

those barfing feelings.

enlisted.

foosball.

My name is Rage, Road Rage.

blog failure

*scream*

you've got personality

baby hats giveaway!!

bathroom lovin

you go boy.

strappin'

hello up there!

no junk in this trunk

bright lights

is there such a thing as restless butt syndrome? RBS? i have that.

thinking positively has a HUGE impact on your life... God recognizes your struggle & your hard work & gives you blessing when you least expect them!! ♥ ♥

BLAH BLAH BLAH if you have a problem with games played on facebook: 1) get a grip & calm down 2) block & hide the application... its like it doesn't exist! THAT WAY you aren't sucking the fun out of it for others. FUN SUCKERS!

What's the worst thing that could happen? I'll tell YOU! Having a stomach ache before you go to your Derek appt. this could be very, very awkward.

my true colors.

"If we could perceive only a small part of the person God intends us to be, we would lose our fear and never doubt again.”

endure it well

the fabric allergy..

Danielle is...

...just looked myself up on urban dic. & i like what i see! apparently Danielle's everywhere are: loved, short, amazing, intense, crazy, a capitol B-word, funny and great at rapping. what a good use of my time. cha right. goodnight! :)

ornament

finials

stockin's

frantic

balls

Leelou Swag

just a quick note.

nipple, say what?

my explanation..

"You should profit from the mistakes of others ~ You don't live long enough to make them all yourself."

what reality tv has taught me.

all hallows eve.

bathroom organization.

the speed limit..

receipts...

modge podge rocks

what matters most

My first update :)

scream