Monday, January 10, 2011

The Farting Runway

Cubicles are funny things.

First of all, you never expect to find yourself in one. Then you wonder who that monster in the mirror is, clawing to get the one with the "window". You sit day in and day out, plotting and hoping to do something that will set you apart from the rest of the cube people. My square space is placed right in front of a hallway.

A long hallway.

A hallway that many people have to travel to get across the office to their desired destination. The problem is, most people don't realize that there is a person literally 1 foot away from them. What I love about that hallway is that I hear secrets. People stand in that hallway and share with other co-workers deep secrets, problems and stories from their crazy weekend. I.love.it. I live vicariously through those stories. It's awesome, it's bliss.

However, since people don't realize they are surrounded by people, they tend to do things that they normally would do in the privacy of their own home. For instance, take their shoes off and waft their sweaty, athletes foot all around my nostrils. People also like to do the other dirty "do-at-home" activity. No, not sex....yet.

Farting.

People get let those fluff biscuits out as they walk down the hallway!

step. rip step. reeerrr step. pop step. grrrr step. BURHF


Thats what we call the walking farts.


I live 8 hours of each day on The Farting Runway.


help me. it makes my throat hurt!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

the inappropriate wife chronicles.

*****DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY VULGARITY!*****


maybe that should be the new name of my blog? it seems to accurately wrap up who I am. I am trying to figure out how to get the video of my new house from my husbands phone to the computer. its too large to email, to send to my phone, and to upload to facebook. Still working on it. As soon as it works, I will post it here! :) Excitement, excitement. We are painting, getting new carpet and new appliances. Then we will move in! I can't wait til this is ALL OVER and we are just living our semi-normal lives and having our inappropriate conversations in our very own house. Wow, does this make me an adult? Does this mean I have to grow up? Does THAT mean I have to be mature? buuugh. what a dirty word.

....Earlier today.....

We were walking to the car, in the snow (i HATE snow, it annoys me. I feel like its constantly patronizing me. stupid snow.) Anyway, every time I leave the house, snow seems to be the one thing that immediately puts me in a bad mood. dang utah weather. (lets just say this is the "clean" non-vulgar perspective that I have on this snow subject. I would usually have to use a lot of symbols, black outs or bleeps to explain... but I digress.)




so here it goes.



Me: "I'm freezing my balls off!"

Him: ".....I wish you didn't have balls."



Recently, I have been obsessed with the well being of my nonexistent Juevos.
Hasn't everyone had this conversation before?



db

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Most Important Memories

"Memories and pictures and journals are most important...."

"Hopefully, I maintain my memory."

"You will. If not in this life, in the next."

"Selfish me, I want it in this life."

"I'm sure you wont have problems. Grammie needed that disease. You won't."

"How did you get so smart?"

"Remember, I'm perfect."

"Just like your Dad. See already with the memory thing."

Mommy-Daughter Notes

"Dear Mom, I love you. You live in a shoe. Write back."

"Dear Danielle, You're swell. Now go sit on a pail. Write back."

"Dear Mom, You're crazy!"




Some things never change.



db

Pay it Forward, Handmade.

I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment here.

They must in turn post this and send something they make to the first 5 people who comment on theirs.

The rules are that it must be handmade by you and it must be sent to your 5 people sometime in 2011.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Glad I snatched a tall husband!

......but I'm still stranded without toilet paper because he is hard of hearing.



5 minutes and counting... this could be a long night.
great.



-oversharer anon.


UPDATE:
He came down...
...eventually...

I told him that I have been yelling for him for over 5 minutes.
He told me he heard.

He had been laughing the entire time...

Really? Is this what I signed up for?