race me, baby.

on the way home, when we drive two cars, we race.

.......at least thats what is happening in my mind.

I was stopped at a stoplight, the light turns green and all I see is a blue streak whizz by me. DARN YOU. (is what I should have said) Then I continued to drive, determined to beat him in his teeny tiny little baby....ahem. car. As I passed him, I waved (thats what I should have done.) He looked at me, but didnt smile.... "weird", I thought to myself....

I guess I should have waved with all 5 fingers. :)

He loves me.

-dbgwifedriver

Husbands.... They put the "GRRR" in GRRREAT.

I have been having THE MOST difficult time thinking of something to get my husband for YE OLD Christmastime. I have literally asked him multiple times every day for over a month what he wants. The answer? Always, "Nothing" or something stupid like socks. (BOOOOO!)

[I am no sock or man panties gift giver.]

Today we were watching TV and on the show the man bought a jacket for himself while shopping for his girlfriend's gift. The jacket that he happened to buy for himself was the exact same present that she had picked out months before....for Christmas. What a butt, I say.

Brady looks over at me and says "This is why I dont buy myself anything in December."

THE AUDACITY!

I look over at him... glaring.

"Are you kidding me?!" (I couldn't help myself. This anger had been bubbling up inside of me for days.)

"What?" He innocently reacts.

"You JUST bought yourself something. YESTERDAY!"

This conversation went on for a few minutes.... I couldn't stop saying "Are you kidding me"

My husband must have some version of amnesia because he bought himself a watch YESTERDAY.

That's right, less than 24 hours prior.

We went to the jeweler last week and he saw some watches he liked, reasonably priced.

BINGO! I thought to myself. FINALLY, something I can get him! He will have no idea....

He went yesterday, and picked it up. TO TOP IT ALL OFF he went without me.

(He did use a coupon we had for that jeweler and got it for free. ) My argument continued "...I could have bought that for you with MY coupon, wrapped it and you would have been SO surprised. but nooooooo...." Husbands are very easy to understand, they make women growl and they eat. (At least thats how I feel today)

GRRRR + eat

Just great.

I am so totally screwed.

dbagalicious.

Just a regular conversation between a mother and daughter

These two are to remain nameless.

Text messaging conversation, a mother randomly texts her daughter...

Mother: Is there a Fredricks of Hollywood in (unnamed town)?

Daughter: I think so....

Mother: :) I want you to try this type of bra I'm wearing. I LOVE it. So comfortable.

Daughter: Haha what one? i'm online now.

Mother: Give me a sec...I got to pop it and check. Model number (blah blah blah)

Daughter: Cant find it.

Mother: Try blah blah blah.

Daughter: Whoa. Hollywood eXXXtreme Cleavage.... with 3 x's!?

Mother: I got a white one. It is like magic hands are holding my girls up, caressing them all day.

Daughter: You are sick.

over&out

db(ahumbu)g See what I did there?

Derek Jeter, not only famous for his hits....

Have you named your Bajingo?

Mine is Derek.

Derek Jeter.

[No resemblance.]

So my Sister (inlaw) waxed my fluffy legs. (Dont be confused during this story, she was waxing my LEGS....it will be a cold day in hell if she ever waxes Derek.)

It was a sad day for me but a victory for my husband.

I was afraid it would make me cry (i have heard a lot of leg waxing horror stories)

She grabbed a hold of the corner of the muslin.....

My body tensed.

My abs were flexed, my toes were curled.

I was ready for the pain.

She ripped it off, and took my lovely locks with her. I let out all of the breath I was holding.

SUCCESS! It didn't hurt.

Then I relaxed and we started talking about waxing the lady parts. (bad idea.) THAT my friend, is the most painful wax I have had (not to mention I had the worst "lady part waxer" ever!)

If you are planning on waxing down under, be prepared. Take some drugs (the hard stuff. jk, kinda) and go in with the notion that you will come out with a limp.

(The top hurts the most, weirdly enough!)

Anyway, here we are talking about hard wax and hot wax... The lady who did Derek used both. With hard wax, you apply it to the hairy area and leave a lip so that once it has hardened you can use that lip to pull off the wax. When done properly, it is supposed to be less painful than hot wax... or something like that.

My lady part waxer did NOT leave a lip.

POOR DEREK.

........so here she is flicking away trying to create a lip of wax to pull afterwards...

Flick

OUCH...

Flick Flick

CRY..

Flick

AHHK!

[Derek said]

I'm ready for death, I thought to myself. Just kill me. I don't care. Who cares if I'm getting married in a week... if only it was possible to "cut it off"..... guys have it so easy.

[Yah I know, it was a desperate moment... I thought of everything. ]

At one point I was numb and my body just convulsed with the pain.

As me and my sister (inlaw) were talking about mine and Derek's experience, I heard a whimper of laughter coming from my right. I look over and my brother in law was standing there laughing hysterically! How appropriate.

He was tiling my in-laws entry way....I forgot.

shocker.

Then he locked himself in the bathroom to finish the tiling in there (or to get as far away from the "who-ha" talk, I'm sure)

Then she does the back of my ankle. A tiny, weak whine comes from my mouth.

Then you hear more laughter from the bathroom.

I'm glad SOMEONE was having fun...

-db

Second Edition of "you know you have a special mom when..."

....she calls you to tell you about a "store" she went to with two of her friends.

I bought two bras!

Victoria's Secret, I thought...that's not too bad. We've been there before. I can handle the thought of my mom perusing those shelves.

I.

Was.

Wrong.

Fredrick's...(Things that make you go "buuhhh" *shivers*)

Apparently she was tempted by a cute santa outfit as well.

Then we had a lengthy conversation about banana hammocks, Willey Bags and Love Sacs. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Ah, parents.

-db

Post 50. I gotta Piss.

*watching Celebrity Rehab*

"Pause it. I've gotta Piss." I said.

Thats where it all began.

My husband laughs mockingly. "I've gotta piss..." he says under his breath.

"What??" I respond innocently.

"I gotta piss" He repeated.

"Is that a bad thing to say? My mom used to tell me not to say things like that but I mean.... I always thought that she said that because, well... shes my mom." I retorted.

Blah blah blah. The conversation continued and it ends up, apparently I'm vulgar?

Who would have thought?

*raises hand*

-db